14559981_10209596335578569_4009312781149734468_oWhat makes a bad day when you have an autistic soon-to-be 4 year old.. The moment they open their eyes you know. Today will be rough, which leads to tomorrow being worse and the next is HELL.  You avoid it. You pray for it to stop. You watch the stemming and wonder “What will it be this time?”  The trip to Walmart? The phone ringing? The silence? Triggers?  Who has time to figure out triggers when you’re trying to survive a moment in time. But, these are the important parts.  Take note.  It’s coming. Be prepared. And, know that soon you will watch your child crumble to a point they hate living. Breathing hurts, anxiety, panic.. all those are daily life for us.

On a personal level the bad days for him tend to lead me into the realms of “I’m failing”, “I can’t do this.  Meanwhile you go out in the world in your prepared armor.  And IT HAPPENS! As you knew it would.  This child they say socialize, goes in public and shows a behavior that exhibits a three day stay where they store all sizes of straight jackets.   Then, there’s you. The person that feels isolated but told to socialize for your child.  BUT, you knew it would happen and IT DID!  Then you hear whispers, see stares; but, your focus is on comforting your child, which is an impossible task. All aspects of being able to handle this are thrown out the window on the inside but on the outside you preform.

A bad day is when those combined make me watch my beautiful child fall apart to the point that I just have to watch; meanwhile, they you know in that tiny brain is a child that can change the world..  And in the quiet of the night you realize all that God has given us is a child who resists normal.  And, you vow to tackle another day and pray he will continue to communicate and grow.