Every newly diagnosed Autistic mom understands.  The fear of being alone with your child.  The scared feelings of watching them fall apart with no recourse to piece them back together except time.  The words you hear them use to express what’s going on inside.  The panic of wondering how long this one will last.

I still am afraid to be alone with Ayden.  We manage, but the fear is real.

Today, I had someone remind me I’m not crazy.  As we are awaiting testing and standing firm on a pro-active approach, I often find myself believing the things others tell me or believe I should be doing.  So, I’m not crazy.. Well, I’d RATHER BE DAMN CRAZY! This is hard.  Exhausting. Rewarding. I can say I truly have a love / hate relationship with Autism. Every extra moment is spent preparing, reading, and education.  I have learned how to get through meltdowns with out me crumbling.  My confidence is building. My vocabulary is building, my mind churning and my heart growing for the love of difference.

I’m not afraid to say there are times I fear being alone with Ayden.  No one understands unless you’ve been there.  I’ve learned to be scared but move past it. Meltdowns HAPPEN!!! People stare when they happen in public.  This changes things and people and that’s ok.  What’s not ok is expecting us to need your opinion, pity or awkward staring.  We don’t need those things. We need you to educate yourself about Autism and understand there are approaches out there that train parents how to guide our ASD population.  Study and know what to do if you see a kid having a meltdown.  Understand that ultimately it’s about safety.  Autistic parents don’t get the luxury of thinking our kids won’t do certain things.  That’s what happens in wandering deaths. We assume Ayden is safe around water because it has never been a focal point for him.  But, Autism takes the ability to assume away from us.  PRO-ACTIVE! For your child or someone else. Get educated about Autism because 1 in 88 kids battle it.